The sex lives of people with disabilities are far from nonexistent and anything but boring. No matter what your current level of satisfaction or relationship status, everyone can benefit from learning to FEEL sexy. Sensuality practice is accessible to all!

Sensuality is different from sexuality. It can certainly contribute to a rewarding expression of a satisfying sex life, but it involves a deeper sense of awareness that often occurs outside of the bedroom.

It’s an attitude and a determination to focus on each of our five senses. Sensuality practice is free. You can do it alone or with a partner. To reap the most benefits, dedicate a full week to intense focus on one of each of the five senses. Pay particular attention to the smaller, sensual experiences of life that you may have missed before.

Here are some suggestions:

Vision: Pay attention to the colors that make you feel your best. Notice the type of lighting in public, private, and intimate settings. Find a physical feature on your partner that is completely unique. For an entire day, observe the lips, eyes, or hands of people you encounter.

Hearing: Close your eyes when talking to your partner or close friend on the phone. Listen to the quality of their voice and hear your own from a different perspective. Open a window. Listen to the breeze or the buzzing traffic. Find out what sounds or types of music bring out your sensual side.

Touch: Visit a lingerie store and choose an item strictly for the beauty of its touch. Pick out your outfit for an evening at home based on the texture of the clothes. When air touches the skin, it excites nerve endings. Experiment with a level of bareness at home or in public that makes you feel comfortable, confident, and sensual.

Taste: What foods do you consider sexy? Plan a meal around foods that differ greatly in color and texture. Pay attention to the environment where you eat. Experiment with sour, spicy, hot, and cold foods to make your taste buds feel alive.

Smell: Apply your favorite perfume whether or not you’re going out for the day or night. Take note of the smells we associate with sensuality. Many people with disabilities cannot tolerate perfumes and artificial scents. Be considerate of these differences and appreciate natural smells, like grass and rain.

Sensuality practice can be readily adapted for people that may have sensory disabilities. Developing a keen awareness for the absence or limited experience of a sense is equally important to focusing our efforts on what’s happening in the present.

Developing your sensuality is one important way to kick up your confidence. Being sexy is less about what we look like and more about what we feel. Live in the moment, appreciate all of your senses, and reap the rewards of becoming an audaciously sensual person with a disability.

Kara Ayers is a newlywed (formerly Kara Sheridan) freelance writer and therapist who has Osteogenesis Imperfecta. A former Paralympian, Ayers is now a passionate advocate for disability rights. She lives in Northern Kentucky with her husband and two beloved bulldogs. She enjoys comments and questions from readers and can be reached at writekara@gmail.com.

From Kanye West’s ridiculously overly dramatic, egotistical, self appreciation after accepting his award, to Tim McGraw proclaiming that he wants to live like he’s dying, it was apparent to me that the Grammy awards were nothing more than a shameless promotion of the artists that the corporations want people to listen.

This isn’t much of a revelation but this year I actually brought myself to watch every second of this train wreck to see how they were going to pick up the pieces.

It’s like a motorist’s curiosity when there’s an accident and he or she succumbs to a voyeuristic nature by peering out his or her window while slowing down traffic.

The kicker to me is that the one band that had any substance was Green day. Yes! Green Day, the band that didn’t have a political stance until they were becoming irrelevant and needed new material for their new album.

Now I’ll give them credit for expanding their musical horizon and putting out a very ambitious record but it’s great timing to come out with an anti- bush album. You also have to give credit, especially when a band with below average talent can hang around pop culture for as long as they have.

It didn’t help matters that upcoming bands like Franz Ferdinand had a mediocre performance and Stone Temple Pilots with Slash actually won an award. It wasn’t a great night for rock or alternative music.

The one bright spot was the victory by Wilco, who was finally recognized for their creativity and gumption. Despite constant battles with record executives, they have remained persistent and have always released the record that they originally intended to release.

Other bright spots included Melissa Etheridge covering a Janis Joplin track, John Mayer showcasing his low key style and Alicia Keys sharing her soul with the audience.

The problem arises when you realize that those few performances are overshadowed by the other three hours of filler during the show.

Now I realize that you have to please everyone and cannot upset the corporate sponsors but you have to give a fair shake to rock music so that a larger audience would be exposed to up and coming acts. This would help the record industry and starving artists that deserve a break and prove that rock is by no means, dead.

Record execs would maybe stop whining about low sales if more artists were signed and sold double what they were when they had no contract.

The theme of this year’s Grammy Awards had to be the inability to let go of the past. How absurd was it that Ray Charles won basically every award he was nominated for simply because he had passed away?

I’m not disparaging from Ray Charles’ musical mastery, it’s just frustrating to see that before the movie came out, no one mentioned his name, but now that he’s up in the clouds and positive reviews of Ray have flooded the media circuit, he’s being exploited to the fullest extent.

I also cannot stand to see Jamie Fox act as if he is Ray Charles reincarnated, just because he spent some time with him and portrayed him for the movie. I don’t care how good Fox sings, he will never be Ray Charles.

Then to cap it all off, I have to see Bono with his sunglasses act like his new album can be equated to The Joshua Tree, when we all know they’re marketing this album so shamelessly that people will think it’s an untouchable piece of art.

The most embarrassing event occurred when James Brown was joined on stage by an artist named after someone who cleans the crust off the floor of a movie house, and Usher acted as if he had been listening to the King of Soul from the time he was in the womb. This fake hero worship is doing a disservice to the icons and legends that shaped American music and to the real fans who live their life listening to these greats.

Thankfully 2005 will be a surreal year in music, with some very highly anticipated albums set for release. Records set for release include a sophomore release by Audioslave, Queens of the Stone Age, Jack Johnson, Mars Volta, Beck, Nine Inch Nails, System of a Down, and Oceansize. The quantity of important records pouring out this year could make for a very competitive year in music when it comes to the billboard charts.

Most importantly, the infusion of rock could pump some testosterone and thoughtfulness back into pop culture.
Do you agree with Erich Cella? Let us know. Email us at nathasha@audacitymagazine.com

While I love those cooking shows that make cooking feel therapeutic and rewarding, I find it frustrating and time consuming. So what’s a diva to do?

Answer: The Crockpot!

I stumbled upon this amazing little cooking device which can actually make my poor cooking skills appear to be the work of the legendary cooking chef, Julia Childs.

A crockpot is usually a ceramic pot with a glass or ceramic lid that only needs to be plugged into an electrical outlet.

The cooking steps are simple. Place the ingredients in the crockpot, turn the crockpot on and set the timer. Voila! That’s really all there is to it.

When I use the crockpot, I take as many short cuts as possible. I buy meat that is cut up into smaller pieces like the meat for stir fry or stews. Any vegetable I want to add to the meal I buy chopped up in the vegetable section of the grocery store. I found out that most grocery stores have diced peppers, onions, and celery which cuts prep time to a bare minimum.

For this particular meal, I add the meat, the vegetables, and small potatoes which don’t require cutting or take regular size potatoes and chop them up.

Season it to your liking, add either a bit of water or broth and start the cooking!

I know, it’s that easy!

Crockpots come in different sizes and the pot in the crockpot comes out for easy cleaning. Not that I would be the one to clean it!

There are endless cookbooks specifically for crockpot meals from stews, to chilli, and chicken casseroles.

I love the crockpot.

People with physical disabilities can have a healthy meal with less time in the kitchen. Even your personal care attendant, should have no qualms about preparing a meal for you in the crockpot.

The only downsize I see in a crockpot is that it takes several hours to cook which can also be a great trait depending on your time constraints.

I know people who have made their meals the night before by placing the cooking timer on 10 hours and the next day they eat a deliciously homemade lunch or dinner to reheat later.

The food won’t burn because once the meal is ready, the crockpot keeps the food warm until you are ready to eat it.

So imagine, a whole chicken surrounded with sweet potatoes, and vegetables cooking in your kitchen without you having to slave over it.

Yummy and divalicous!

Questions and comments? Email us at nathasha@audacitymagazine.com .

Ringing in the new year is your favorite time of year! Reflecting on your past achievements and setting new goals for the upcoming year is a tradition for you.

A leader by nature, you’re going to have to step up to a whole new level if you expect to maintain that leadership attitude. Don’t delay which is something that you goat people tend to do until you have been pushed to the point of no return.

Kick it up a notch and make this your most audacious year ever!

Aquarius (Jan 20 – Feb 18)

Everyone knows you as the party animal! If there is a party you are the person to call to provide the lively entertainment. Sometimes you feel you are on stage performing for everyone. But this year you have decided to perform for yourself!

Make the decisions that will let others know another dimension to your humorous side. You have a creative side that can be quite profitable if you put it to work. Your amazing social skills can draw the right people to make your project your best creation ever.

Pisces (Feb 19 – Mar 20)

After several stressful months, you are managing to balance out your life in all areas regarding health and finance. However, you are still off kilter with your quality of friends.

Every year people clean their closet out and this is your year to clean your social closet. Is it that important to collect acquaintances? Think about your friends like clothes in your closet. You need the basics and some accessories. Find out who is keeping you busy or actually enriching your life.

Aries (Mar 21 – Apr 19)

There are those who say you are selfish and there are those who say you are a survivor. You want to help others with their troubles, only after you have taken care of your business.

This year you might want to dedicate a portion of your time to volunteering in an area that interests you so you can learn to take care of other people’s needs while nurturing your own.

Taurus (Apr 20 – May 20)

Are those tears of joy? Yes, they are. The holidays are over and you can stop watching those shows that only make you feel more nostalgic than normal.

Feed the adventurous side in you. Make only three goals for this year. Think about them and make sure that they will make this year the most memorable year ever because there are going to be new people in your life so that future nostalgic moments will include them in it.

Gemini (May 21 – Jun 20)

Everyone has that little voice that guides them. There are times you ignore that voice and regret the outcome. So here is some advice for you: LISTEN UP!

That voice is talking to you and you are ignoring it because the present pleasure is so great. But you have to think longterm. Finances are not stable and it has nothing to do with the economy. You are in control of your future.

Don’t feel pressured to do something you feel uncomfortable doing or you will find yourself in the never ending whole of denial!

Cancer (June 21 – Jul 22)

Everyone knows two important factors about your personality. You are the last person to say something unkind about someone and you have the temper to keep those who say unkind words about you far away.

Right now you want to really lose your temper but is now the right time? Not really, talk it out, work it out in your mind. You will realize that the anger you have towards someone might not be the right person to direct that negative energy.

This year look into other ways to express your displeasure and your pleasure about life and its audacious surprises.

Leo (Jul 23 – Aug 22)

Everyone has dreams. You are the cheerleader of dreams! Heaven help the rest of us when you are not supported with your dreams. The leo in you not only will roar for attention but will strike out a paw or two.

Set your dreams into focus. Write it out. Plan it out. Read a book on goals. You start projects, talk them up and then keep everyone in suspense waiting for them to come into fruition.

Let the jungle know that the LEO is back and ready to rock!

Virgo (Aug 23 – Sep 22)

You have a cheerleader in your corner. Don’t take that person for granted. When you come to an ethical concern think back to grammar school. Those rules can help you during this very crucial time.

It’s time to take action. Being everyone’s friend is your best attribute but don’t let that block your path of success. Friends can unknowingly bring your energy down. Sometimes a simple, “Talk to you later” can avoid that awkward departure from those bummed out friends.

Go back to them when you have the energy to lift their spirits up and maintain your own in tact.

Libra (Sep 23 – Oct 22)

Aren’t you getting tired of stressing out over the past? Let it go! Move on. The future is so much better when you are not hanging on to something that can never be recaptured. You like things to have balance and reasoning but not everything in life is balanced.

Look at this unexpected event as a beautiful surprise that will balance you out in another area of your life that you haven’t even thought needed balancing. Make this year the year that you can let your hair down without worrying about the aftermath.

Scorpio (Oct 23 – Nov 21)

You can put that stinger away. This is the year of accountability for you. Many times you rush to blame someone else for your place in life. Your stings hurt so much that people tread carefully around you. Is this the way you want to spend the rest of your life?

Make this the year of truth and responsibility. Saying you are sorry is not that difficult. Living with the regret of not saying those words can be devastating. No one is perfect and no one expects you to be either. Laugh at your flaws and remind yourself not to repeat them again. This could be your best year ever!

Sagittarius (Nov 22 – Dec 21)

Tolerance is a bit much for you this year. You are tired of tolerating other’s antics. Good for you! It’s about time you put people in their place. But are you ready for the heat that will get back to you?

There is a difference between tolerating someone’s wrong doings and someone’s opinions. Make sure you can see the difference before you put yourself in harm’s way and hurt the feelings of those who are innocent.

Not everything must be in black and white. See the blurry line and you can very well separate those who are on your side!

Happy New Year to all of you who fall under any of these signs! HA HA That means you, too!

Comments nathasha@audacitymagazine.com

Halloween Directed: by Rob Zombie.

Starring: Tyler Mane and Malcolm McDowell.

Running Time: 109 min. Rated: R
Shoot ‘Em Up Starring: Clive Owen, Paul Giamatti and Monica Bellucci.
Running Time: 87 min. Rated: R

If you missed most of the summer movies I have two suggestions for you. Rob Zombie’s Halloween and Shoot ‘Em Up!

If you love a good horror movie especially the original Halloween. Do yourself a favor and see this film. It’s a great horror film. It’s different enough from the original film that you’re not getting the same story. There are echoes of the original throughout this film.

The film goes into the back-story of the legendary killer Michael Myers. Showing his horrible family life, which created our favorite Bogeyman. This version you still feel the dread and fear around every corner like in the first.

The young actor who plays Michael at 10 or so is frightening and childlike at the same time. The actor that plays Michael as an adult Tyler Maine plays the killer like a great white shark killing everything in its way until it catches its ideal prey.

If Myers is a great white than McDowell’s Dr. Loomis’ is Quint from Jaws. Also if you’re a horror film fanatic like I am you notice appearances by horror film veterans like Clint Howard Ron Howard’s brother and Dee Wallace Stone the mother from ET, The Hills Have Eyes and The Howling. Keep your eye out for more familiar horror film faces.

Rob does a great job of reinventing the legendary psycho killer and giving some believable motives for his behavior and need for wearing a mask. But you never truly know what’s going on in his head. Zombie brings a horrifying reality to the Halloween mythology and brings a satisfactory conclusion to this story. So there is no need for further silly and unnecessary sequels. So do your trick-or-treating early and catch this film.

Finally the best action picture of this summer was the sexy, electric and violent live action cartoon Shoot ‘Em Up the title pretty much sums up the film.

Both male leads of this film play it like Bugs Bunny with carrot versus Elmer Feud. There are also traces of Tom and Jerry in the film with Rube Goldberg cause and effect machines included.

Add a baby, a sexy Italian call girl and a million, trillion body count of bullet riddled gunshot victims and shake well. You get a bang, bang, shoot ‘em up never ending adrenaline rush from beginning to end. You’ll never laugh so hard at multiple shootings again. This film was big over-the-top action scene after action scene it never lets up.

I can’t say much more about this film it’s just a freaking fun and inventive movie to watch. I give both films Stars (*****).

The holidays are around the corner! Share with us your favorite holiday movies and tell us why they are so special to you.

nathasha@audacitymagazine.com ]]> http://www.audacitymagazine.com/2007/10/29/blood-gore-and-more/feed/ 0 http://www.audacitymagazine.com/2007/09/30/oi-motherhood/ http://www.audacitymagazine.com/2007/09/30/oi-motherhood/#comments Sun, 30 Sep 2007 13:38:23 +0000 Christine Wartenburg http://www.audacitymagazine.com/?p=967 When I began to write a article about motherhood, being a mother with Osteogenesis Imperfecta (OI), I had to take a long pause. I have taken many pauses in my life, but this one proved different. Since I’ve never been a mother without OI, I had to try to imagine the differences between being a OI mother and an able bodied one. In some ways the differences are very minor, but in others it’s quite profound. The decision to raise a family for anyone with a hereditary genetic disorder is one fraught with questions which I had to ask myself years ago when I became a mother for the first time. What are the odds I will pass on my defective gene? What if my child is in fact, born with OI? Will my child’s OI be the same as mine? What are the heath issues I’ll face during pregnancy? And countless others. To a degree I believe all women thinking of raising a family have apprehensions, fears, and questions, but for a woman with OI there are additional layers of concerns that must be addressed. However, when my journey of motherhood began, I had not yet taken this pause. This journey for me began at age eighteen. I had barley finished high school when I fell in love with my now husband. It was a whirlwind romance centered around, friends, fun, and planning our future. I had never considered that this future may include a child, or children for that matter. Oddly enough, I had never even entertained the idea of becoming a mother one day. In fact I had never even held a baby before. Nevertheless, as fate would have it, before I had even sent in my college application to the local University I became pregnant with my first child. Upon learning I was pregnant, terror swept over me. I was fearful for my future and unsure of how it would effect my relationships with my loved ones. What would my parents say? How would my boyfriend react? My life was in upheaval, even before considering how being disabled with OI would factor in. Needless to say it was much to my relief when I received full support from my boyfriend, friends, and family. Now it came time for me to take that first pause, asking myself the “additional layer” of questions that most prospective mothers don’t have to find answers to. I was fourteen weeks pregnant and had just been told “it’s a boy!” when I attended my first appointment with a Geneticist for pregnancy counseling. I had never visited a genetic specialist in spite of being diagnosed with a OI myself at three months of age. I was unsure of what to expect but looked forward to the professional insight. Shortly after my arrival the physician looked me over, evaluating the severity of my OI, concluding that carrying a child was possible based on my medical history, size, and deformities. The Dr. also wasted no time enlightening me to the fact my child had a 50/50 shot of inheriting OI. It was quite a revelation to hear spoken, yet I didn’t even blink in reaction. Perhaps I was eased by the obliteration of my denial–or numb. Either way I was momentarily at peace—peace that was quickly shattered by the suggestion of abortion. I was shocked and admittedly offended, quickly replying with a “No” and a look of “How dare you.” before leaving the office in a huff. It was almost immediately after this encounter when reality set in. In that moment I was no longer wondering if my child would grow up to be quirky like Aunt Lisa, or share his fathers birthmark—instead loomed the possibility of inheriting a brittle bone disorder that would effect every aspect of his life. My pregnancy progressed fairly normally in the beginning, with morning sickness and unusual cravings galore. Although I was haunted by possibility my son would be born with OI, I tried not to worry about something which I could not change the outcome. I had discussed the obvious risks with my obstetrician from the get go. Due to having a shortened torso, I was made aware of potential complications such as trouble breathing for myself, as well as premature birth. I also knew I would require a caesarian section since a normal delivery would most certainly shatter my pelvis. The baby could also potentially kick and break my ribs. Still, I took the the approach of crossing bridges when I came to them and carried on life as normally as I could. Not to say that there weren’t a few unexpected difficulties however. By my fifth month of pregnancy, I began having difficulty maintaining my weight due to the fact my stomach was compressed, and had the sensation of fullness after only eating a couple bites. I also became extremely anemic and was exhausted much of the time. Additionally I had an irritable uterus, and was hospitalized to evaluate for pre term labor on more than one occasion. As nerve wrecking as it all was, I managed to keep focused on the light at the end of the tunnel. Luckily a friend of the family provided me with information from the Osteogenesis Imperfecta Foundation regarding pregnancy statistics of OI women, through which I found some solace. This newfound information told me I wasn’t the only one, and it could be done. At 37 weeks gestation I checked into Women and Children’s Hospital for my scheduled c-section. It had all come down to this. The questions had been asked, some had been answered, some had not, yet at this moment none of them mattered. I cried the whole way to the OR, and I wasn’t quite sure what I was afraid of, but I was. I opted to receive spinal anesthesia rather than general anesthesia (being put to sleep), since it was the safer option for the baby. I knew there was a chance the spinal anesthesia wouldn’t work properly due to the fact I have scoliosis, and there was a risk of complications such as spinal damage, but it was a risk worth taking. Fortunately I was soon rightly numb from the waste down, slathered in Betadine, and hooked up to all the proper monitors. Less than twenty minutes later, my new son Luke made his grand entrance– none too thrilled and wailing. At six pounds even, he was healthy, and checked head to toe for any sign of OI. He was given a tentative “all clear” and was released from the hospital at two days old, even though I had to stay a week. Arriving home was yet another daunting milestone I had not prepared for. How will I carry the baby considering I use a wheelchair? How will I transport him on outings? What if he does have OI after all, and I break him changing his diaper? But I soon realized these questions answered themselves. I learned babies have an unbelievable grip, and hold on very well when being “wheeled around” on short trips. The Snugglie carrier was also a lifesaver. I also could form a cradle of sorts on my lap and wheel around with him sleeping on my legs. While my mother was nervous to say the least about a wheelchair user caring for an infant, her concerns quickly dissipated. I am also happy to say, I never “broke” Luke changing his diaper–in fact he never has broken at all. As of today he is a happy, rough and tumble, OI free little boy. As for my future, as my own person and as a mother, was enriched more than I could imagine. I was soon married and attended college the following spring after Luke was born. While I had to make a lot of changes in my life, like finding a suitable apartment for all of us that was accessible, and learning to be very proficient in chasing a toddler in my wheelchair, it was all well worth it. While women with OI or any disability, have many hurdles to overcome raising a family the rewards are just as great as any parent. That I believe this is the most important thing to remember as you consider the challenge of raising children.As a disabled woman and mother I have learned to take the questions that come in stride and seek their answers enthusiastically, rather than fear them. I relish the opportunity to take on new challenges, even though at times they can be frustrating. Ultimately, motherhood is one challenge within a challenge which I am thankful I had the opportunity to take on. What do you think of motherhood as a person with a physical disability? Email us at nathasha@audacitymagazine.com .

I have grown up with a muscular condition that has never been diagnosed. I was informed I either have two things going on, or I have my own unique condition that maybe nobody else in this world has. I compare it to Muscular Dystrophy because many of my physical traits are similar to those of Spinal Muscular Atrophy. I have been in a wheelchair since the age of ten, and also had scoliosis as a child. I was always somewhat shy and soft spoken, and of course there are some of my adolescent years I wish I could block from memory.

I consider myself lucky, I’ve never really fallen victim to depression or self-esteem issues. I was brought up attending a mainstream school, and fought the same fight most young people with disabilities need to go through. The fight is to simply be viewed as an equal in the eyes of our peers. This carries over into matters dealing with the opposite sex.

As an adult, I sometimes reflect upon how I viewed dating, romance, and sex when I was in my late teens and very early twenties. I had a few big crushes, but it was really hard for me to even find a guy to have a crush on. Maybe I was being extremely picky. As cheesy and as cliché as it sounds, there had to be something “special” about the guy. I was always trying to read between the lines and analyze his words and actions towards me to determine if he was “into me.” Ugh. I cringe when I think about those years and how I acted like a silly teenager. But, that is what I was.

The topic of the opposite sex is seen so much differently as an adult. I think it takes becoming an adult, experiencing life, and simply observing the experiences of people around you to help you find who you are and what you want out of life. For the past two years, I’ve seen a few of my friends get engaged, married, or have kids. I am now the only single person among my close circle of friends. I’m comfortable being single, and usually don’t feel like I’m missing out on anything. I don’t need a relationship to validate my identity or to feel whole or worthy. I am confident in the fact that I do have something to offer, whether it is to someone else or to the world in general.

Over the years I’ve flirted a bit here and there. I have had guys approach me when I would go out to the bar with my friends. Unfortunately, I was most often targeted by the wrong types of males. These are the kinds of guys who use the sex laden pickup lines and attempt all the smooth talking they can manage. Needless to say, they picked the wrong gal to do this to. I am not going to fall for a man who talks that way. Sometimes I would get so tired of these empty lines I would almost ask them what their mothers would think if they knew their sons chatted up women like that.

I understand that the bar is not the best place to find quality guys, but it can be done. I come from a small college town that is also home to a couple large international corporations. There had to be some men here who had decent manners and great personalities who had their lives in order, right? If there was, I don’t think I was looking hard enough. Loud bars also aren’t conducive to conversation anyway, and I can’t exactly talk loud.

Last summer, I did meet someone who changed how I felt about relationships, love, and sex. I didn’t meet him in my town; he wasn’t even from here. He found my Yahoo profile online, saw my picture and thought I was cute. He randomly contacted me on messenger and we started getting to know each other. I found out he was an amputee from New York City, and he was so incredibly funny (not to mention totally handsome). Something between us clicked. We chatted for a year, talked about meeting, and um…had some rather racy conversations. This continued until a couple months ago. I’m not naïve so I always knew it wasn’t a relationship. You can’t fall in love with someone online. I held no expectations so when he found someone in his area to date; I really wasn’t disappointed and wished him the best.

Although we are no longer in communication, I guess I can give him a little credit for helping me see relationships and issues related to them in a different light. Also, society often stereotypes individuals with disabilities as asexual and this is something that also gets wired into our brains. This is not a good thing and needs to stop. This guy helped me to understand sex isn’t taboo for us and it is a subject we need to communicate more about in terms of relating personal experiences and resources to inform one another. There are people out there who will see us for who we are, see us as beautiful, hot, sexy, and attractive. It is not impossible for us to find love. We just need to find ways to let more people see us. Why should we closet ourselves?

Following my online fling (I guess I can call it that), I knew what I needed to do. If I yearned for my personal life to progress the way I wanted it to, I needed to take action. It was imperative that I meet individuals outside my rural bubble. Someone referred me to a free online dating site that has become one of the largest on the web. I finally decided to grab the bull by the proverbial horns and go with it. Last month, I posted my profile and I am happy to say I have been communicating with some really great guys who actually live in my state. Although I have not met any of them face to face yet, I am proud of myself in that I am taking more control of my life in a way I really hadn’t before.

I feel like I understand the male gender a lot better as an adult, as well as how dating and relationships should be viewed. Not everyone will see these topics the same way because everyone is different. In looking for someone to date, and during the process, we must always be realistic. If after a few conversations or dates the other person feels you aren’t right for each other, don’t feel rejected. It just means there is someone else out there who is better suited for you. Always be honest, open, and I cannot stress this enough, communicate! Know what kind of person you’d like to be with, but be a little flexible. Nobody is perfect.

I’m not saying everyone has to approach looking for a relationship the same way I am, but if you really want to reach a broader pool of people, you might want to give the online thing a whirl. It is quite fun. Who knows, in the end, you might find exactly the man or woman you are searching for and be able to change your single status.

Questions or comments? Send them to nathasha@audacitymagazine.com .

So what kind of an interview do you get when the interviewer is a little latina diva on wheels and the interviewee is a short stature young man with an ego that can plug up any hole in the ozone? A great time and some interesting answers.

Audacity: What was your attitude like as a kid, throughout your teens, 20s and what’s it like now as you begin your 30s?

Simon: My attitude toward things has not changed to much on things. I have always been a driven person, who goes after what I want in life. Obviously some of my personal experiences such as the loss of my mother when I was 3, my father when I was 23, and my grandmother (who I grew up with) just a few years ago really shaped who I am and how I look at life as something you have to own… if I am making sense…haha.

Simon’s mother was killed before his very own eyes and his father committed suicide. He explains in his video at myspace.com . You can click on our link at myspace and find Simon’s there!

Audacity: What did you want to be when you grew up?

Simon: When I was very young, I had thought of being a doctor. My grandmother was a nurse and always suggested I would make a great doctor… but as soon as I discovered my musical talents I knew I wanted to be in the music business and the doctor thing went out the window.

Audacity: How did the music industry grab your attention?

Simon: My dad, who was a great musician, bought me a documentary on rock group Metallica and how they made one of their greatest selling albums… a documentary of making a record, in the studio. I must have watched it a thousand times. I knew that I wanted to make records. That was when I was about 13 or 14.

Audacity: Do you ever use your disability as a unique angle?

Simon: The only way I really see its use is that people rarely forget me which in this business is a great thing. I must note that it is my skills as a writer/producer/musician that has gotten me this far… everyone has a gimmick. But the great thing is that once I get hired to work on a record, my physical “differences” are no longer a part of the equation. Then it’s all on my talents. That’s the beauty of the job, it’s not about what I am physically, it’s all about the music, and I always say, my music sounds the same with your eyes closed.

Audacity: What is your regular work day like?

Simon: There is no “regular” work day… depending on where I am, it is usually sleep, wake up, go into the studio for a whole day and then back to sleep. Then there are days of meetings and traveling.

It can get crazy, I remember a few months ago, flying to Cleveland for a weekend of studio work, flying back to Philly (Philadelphia) for a day, flying to Miami for 3 days of studio work, meetings, and a huge magazine interview, back to Philly and then flying to Atlanta for three days of more meetings… it can get crazy to say the least.

Also, depending on the client, a work day may start at 9 am or 11pm, it varies from project to project. Can’t forget to mention getting tons of phone calls.

Audacity: Where do you see yourself in five years?

Simon: A few Grammy nominations, a win or two would be good… Cover of Rolling Stone Magazine and maybe another condo in Miami.

Audacity: Have you helped other disabled people who might be musicians, songwriters and musical engineers?

Simon: I help anyone as much as I can who are striving to be in the music business, disabled or not.

Audacity: Some people with disabilities say that the music industry discriminates against them because they are disabled.
Do you agree?

Simon: Depends on what aspect of the music business you are getting into. I know perfectly “able-bodied” people that get discriminated against in this business, especially those trying to be recording artists. I know that if the talent is there whether that person is disabled or not, it will find a way to the top. It’s not an easy business to thrive in.

Audacity: Has your disability helped or hurt you in your profession?

Simon: I don’t think it has done either. If it has done anything, I think that it helped me realize that I have a real talent at what I do. Also, my personal drive has proven so many people’s stereotypes wrong, there is a great deal of satisfaction in that.

Audacity: What do you consider your weaknesses and your strengths?

Simon:Like any creative individual, I am always my toughest critic and nothing is ever good enough for me… that’s why I always strive to do better but it adds stress to the job and my life in general.

My strength is my networking and my way of working with singers and musicians. I am definitely a people person. I can get along with just about anybody and I have incredible patience… all of which I have found are the cornerstone of being a great record producer.

Audacity: You wrote on your myspace that you are the definition of a hustler, why?

Simon: I did not personally write that… that was a quote from Urban Hitz Magazine in Australia. My interpretation of that is that they are saying, here’s a guy with more odds stacked against him than the average person making their way into the music business and he is doing big things.

The word hustler has taken on a new meaning in the world of urban culture.

Audacity: What is the one question you wish other interviewers would ask you?

Simon: Do you think your physical “situation” had more to do with who you are than your personal life experiences?

*On the telephone, Simon and I discussed or rather debated this issue after he stated that it was his personal life experiences. After reaching a stalemate, he stated that his disability has much to do with who he is but he doesn’t make it a point to revert to his disability to make major decisions in his life.

He said usually others point it out for him. For example, his lawyer reminded him that he needed to prepare financially for any medical emergency that would allow him to maintain the lifestyle he has now.

But it’s his personal experiences that drive him to perfection and his disability takes a backseat to that.

Audacity: Are you married? Seeing someone?
Simon: Not married, not seeing anyone right now… are you askin me out??? hahaha kidding.

Audacity: Do you have children?

Simon: Not that I know of… I do travel a lot… kidding again… no, I don’t have children… someday…maybe.

Audacity: Where do you live? Do you live alone?

Simon: I live in a penthouse condo in downtown Philadelphia. I lived alone for about six years but my good childhood friend, Patrick moved to Philly and he is a great musician and he has been co-writing on a few records with me.

But personally, I take care of myself, although I travel with a bodyguard now when I fly to other cities as more and more people are recognizing me.

Audacity: What are some of the hobbies and interests that you have in your spare time?

Simon: Unfortunately I don’t get much spare time. In the spring and summer, I like to break away on occasion and go to a few baseball games… I am a Phillies fan, plus I produced music for Major League Baseball, so there are always free tickets available to me.

I also spend my available free time driving around (in the chair) listening to my ipod.

Audacity: What is your favorite type of music?

Simon: all kinds…

Audacity: Who is your biggest inspiration?
Simon: My parents and my grandmother. My parents, especially my mother, who never had a chance to do what she wanted to do in life. I was always told that I am very similar to my mother even though I never really knew her. My father was a great guitar player and my grandmother always allowed me to find my own limits.

After several hours on the phone, Simon, a funny, outspoken man was asked do you think you are a role model for other people with physical disabilities.

Simon said, if pursuing my dreams and living my life doing what I know how to do best inspires, motivates or gets someone else with a physical disability or without a physical disability to go after their dreams, then that’s good too but I don’t live my life to inspire others. I live my life for me.

You can catch Simon Illa on the cable show TLC, The Learning Channel, tonight on Miami Ink as he gets a tattoo that symbolizes his love for his family.

Questions and comments: email us at nathasha@audacitymagazine.com .

Aries (March 21- April 19):
Happy birthday, Aries! Finally, you feel inspired to share your goals with others. Your goal is not a foolish one. Take stock in your life’s accomplishment and realize that your disability can be the inspiration you need to face any obstacle.

Taurus (April 20- May 20):
Every year you tell yourself that you won’t be played the fool when it comes to matters of the heart. Although your heart might get broken from time to time, it mends stronger and wiser each time. .

Gemini (May 21- June 21):
“Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.” A great philosophy if you keep repeating the same mistakes and pointing the blame on others. Your disability can be a liability but only if you allow it. This month admit the foolish words you have said and actions you have taken.

Cancer (June 22- July 22):
Lately you have been given some foolish advice even though your gut said something else. Don’t make the same foolish mistake. Listen to what yourself. If you are not hurting others and it isn’t illegal then why not go for it? You should.

Leo (July 23- Aug. 22):
Everyone loves you because you are the big dreamer. But even dreamers know the difference between fantasy and goals. Continue with your plan of action and by the time your birthday comes rolling around, you will see that dreamers like you make dreams come true.

Virgo (Aug. 23- Sept. 22):
Others foolish decisions have a direct bearing on your direction but they don’t have full control over it. They can’t control your attitude. A guaranteed way to not be the joke of the town is to be persistent and consistent with your actions and beliefs. A rolling or walking contradiction should not be words used to describe you.

Libra (Sept. 23- Oct. 22):
Is your spiritual side guiding you this month when making touch decisions? If so, you are on the right path. If not, then you are being foolish for not listening to it. It’s communicating with you but are you being receptive to it? You might learn that some of your balance comes your spiritual side. That might be difficult for you to adjust when you only want to see the concrete. But it’s true.

Scorpio (Oct 23- Nov. 21):
You are a natural practical joker. But you have trouble when the joke is on you. Laugh it up. Let people know you can take it as well as you dish it.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22 – Dec.21):
This month one of your friends will say something so foolish that it will be up to you to make your friend get over the embarrassment. Be that friend because everybody plays the fool at one time. Lucky it’s not you this time.

Capricorn (Dec. 22- Jan. 19):
A close friend’s secret will shock you and make you appear a fool to those around you. But don’t start second guessing yourself. One person’s betrayal is not the end of the world. It’s only a small blip on your lifeline.

Aquarius (Jan. 20- Feb.18):
Now that you took that first spooky step towards achieving your goal, don’t hesitate! Keep going. People might laugh at your dreams but that’s what they did to many other famous people who succeeded because they chose to ignore the snickers of the naysayers. You do the same!

Pisces (Feb. 20- March 20):
The end is near! But in a good way! You can now see a shimmer of hope. You love this time of year and everything it represents: hope, renewal. Continue rolling because you are on the right path. Your efforts will show by the end of June and you will look back and wonder what all the fuss was about!
AUDACITYMAGAZINE.COM HOROSCOPE IS FOR FUN AND NOT TO BE TAKEN SO SERIOUSLY THAT YOU LIVE YOUR LIFE BY IT!

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Pisces (Feb. 20- March 20):
A celebration is around the corner for you! Your hard work has paid off. This is not the time to look at all of the negatives in your life. There are major changes coming your way and if you are too busy sulking you won’t be prepared to enjoy the positive energy.

Aries (March 21- April 19):
Those secret promises you made to yourself are not hopeless. Since your advice to others appears to work for them, try it on yourself. You will be happy you did.

Just because we are disabled doesn’t mean we don’t have anything to offer others. You share the attitude with those around you and it shows.

Taurus (April 20- May 20):
You have recently met a new friend. This person might not be the “one” but it can be a very strong and beautiful friendship.
Keep searching for the romance that you want based on your needs. Don’t lower your standards. It’s easier to come down then to go up the ladder of love.

Gemini (May 21- June 21):
You have found some much needed “me” time and it is showing in your relationships. Now focus on what you really want to accomplish before June. You know how you get when it’s your birthday and you feel you have nothing to show for it.
Romance is on the back burner for now. That’s ok because it will sizzle when it needs to and boy will it be hot!

Cancer (June 22- July 22):
If you listened to the professionals you will see a better quality of life for yourself. It is so difficult being dependent on others because your spirit is so independent. Finding that balance should be your goal for this month. You have what it takes to take care of yourself and reach your personal goals. Don’t worry about asking for help. It’s ok. Ask.

Leo (July 23- Aug. 22):
Your attempt to show some individuality was greeted with many ohhs and ahhs. Bask in the glory but don’t get too toasty on it. You have to be consistent with your goals. While you love to give advice to others, it is important to use that same advice on yourself. Dreaming is great. Putting your dreams into action is PRICELESS!

Virgo (Aug. 23- Sept. 22):
This month you will be more attuned to what your body and mind needs. Great time for you to relax and break away from the technological world we live in. Go somewhere for several hours and enjoy silence. Natural silence.
Perhaps you can have a friend go with you on a nature stroll.

Libra (Sept. 23- Oct. 22):
Continue onward with your positive outlook. If you feel up to it, dare to do something that you thought you couldn’t do. Have you thought of getting a job? A new job? Different atmosphere might do you good.

Scorpio (Oct 23- Nov. 21):
Isn’t love grand? As a disabled person, you think it might never happen to you. That love you see in the movies. Cheer up. Even able bodied scorpios don’t think it’s real for them too. But you can try to create your persona as someone willing to give and receive that groovy kind of love.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22 – Dec.21):
Strolling in the clouds? Sometimes those wheels have to touch ground and reality not always to your liking must go on.

You can pout if you want but make sure that you remember that no matter how bad you think your situation is, there is someone out there who thinks you have it too easy.

Capricorn (Dec. 22- Jan. 19):
You tried to act as if you don’t care when things don’t go your way. Nice job. Until you exploded and let everyone have it. Now you have to start all over again. Don’t feel too bad. Everyone was wondering when you were going to draw the line. Sometimes people need boundaries and you like people knowing what your boundaries are.

Aquarius (Jan. 20- Feb.18):
You put on an act as if nothing bothers you but inside you are vulnerable and easy to emotionally injure. Are you ready to stop fighting yourself? This could be a great time to let others know that you want to change and you want their help. True friends will be there for you. It’s ok. Ask for help.
AUDACITYMAGAZINE.COM HOROSCOPE IS FOR FUN AND NOT TO BE TAKEN SO SERIOUSLY THAT YOU LIVE YOUR LIFE BY IT!

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