I am commenting to “Our Dear Kathy”. Based on what she has written, I would say that she needs to urgently contact her Fiance and apologize.
What did he do wrong? Not prepare his daughter? Perhaps, his intent or hope was that she would not notice the wheelchair and just accept her for the beautiful individual that she is. Perhaps he didn’t realize that children are so forthright in pointing out differences.
Either way, I have seen nothing th at h
e has done that is so wrong that she should want to leave him.
Unfortunately, children in society are trained from their first day in school to be ulta-expressive about any difference. Children can be quite cruel with each other pointing out an unusual name or an unusual appearance. If another child is unusually larger or smaller, they are labled as “fatty” or “boney”.
The woman should be aware of this and not blame the fiance for the embarrassing moment.
Her reaction may be based on an inner feeling that she is “unlovable”. It seems to me that she may have been seeking confirmation of this and used the reaction of the daughter to confirm this to herself.
What happened is not a terrible crime. There could have been many reasons why your boyfriend did not prepare his daughter and in the worst case, it may have been slightly poor judgement on his behalf.
In any case, this is NOT a reason to end a relationship that is developing so well that you have decided to marry. I hope that you call your boyfriend immediately and tell him that you over-reacted, and never, never consider ending the relationship based on something as small as this again.
***
Hi Nathasha:
I really enjoyed the article “Employers Connect Disabled with Doubt” by Marelise Prinsloo as I have wrestled with this dilemma in the past. but I found it interesting that the author felt she was being slightly dishonest if she didn’t mention her disability on a resume. If you take the assumption that the person applying for the job is able to competently do the job than the disability becomes irrelevant within that context. The exception would be if the employer had to set up special accommodations for the employee than I believe that the applicant has a responsibility to tell the employer
Sincerely
Eric Schnur
World Congress On Disabilities
***
Dear Nathasha!
You have a wonderful magazine. It is not only interesting to read the posted articles but, the site is also very nicely designed. I came across it by chance and must say that I am really impressed.
I am not disabled but my job is in the disabled market.
Though I am not disabled, I could really associate with the situation and the feelings of the Anonymous in the letter “Meeting the Family” from the OUR DEAR KATHY column. I think her boyfriend’s daughter’s words and the whole situation hurt her even more because it came at the point when she was at her most vulnarable,
her heart and sole were open to love, she felt that she was truely loved for who and what she is. And this struck and brought her crashing down to the earth. I think most of us at some point of our lives have gone through the feeling of being rejected, not living up to somebody’s expectations… If I were in that room I know I would have done my best to smooth such a situation and prevent her from getting so hurt and leaving the house. I do agree it was her boyfriend’s mistake not to explain
to the girl beforehand, in my opinion, there was another mistake – he shouldn’t have tried to do any scolding or explanations right in front of her.
Despite all if this, from her words I can see that he does love her and these mistakes do not have anything to do with his feelings, they have to do with him not being foresighted and diplomatic enough. So I think these mistakes belong to such that can and should be forgiven. These are such mistakes we all need to learn from, learn the lessons that will make our relationships closer and stronger. This shouldn’t be the end of the relationship.
I think she should talk to him, they should discuss the situation and what has happened and why.
Galina