He was born December 10, 2003. He weighed in at a little more than a bag of rice:seven pounds six ounces. But his mere existence, hit me like a ton of bricks. Within a few short days, my new nephew has forced me to think about so many things in ways I hadn’t before. I’ve read about these moments “when things become more significant” when you get it. But until recently I had never really experienced one.
I am a grown up.
A few months shy of thirty. By this age both my parents were already so accomplished, both were busy juggling relationships, obligations of home, and children. The thought of having to deal with even one of those things sends my heart into palpitations. (I guess, I am getting older). Almost gone are my twenties. A time when my only job was to get an A on my Western Civilization final, or if that fine girl who laughed at my sarcastic remark really would consider me too bold if I gave her a call, or if I made the right choice in careers, or was I wasting my time. Ah, the uncertainty of it all.
This year as I ring in 2004, I will also be ringing in the start of my third decade on the planet. So the temptation here is to try to come up with something deep that shows that in all that time, I have learned something. Something other than the world won’t end even if you have spent half of the day with your fly unzipped, or if you missed that bugger hanging from your right nostril when you were in front of the mirror this morning, checking that every hair was in place and that you were looking good.
Yeah, the start of the new year is typically a time to wax philosophical. Think about all the things you accomplished this year, and set goals for the year ahead. I suspect my resolutions are no different than most people around the world “lose weight, swear less, and make more money” pretty typical right? They’ll be all but forgotten by Martin Luther King Day, in mid-January, you’re thinking.
But not likely.
Because while self improvement will always continue to be a goal of mine, (and losing twenty pounds and being physically more fit are priorities for 2004) this year my resolution will be even more basic and more complex: live life in moderation, with no guilt.
I have spent so much of my life always trying to do things to please others, making safe choices, and trying be responsible, that I have failed to really enjoy life.
This year will be different.
I vow to confront self-doubt and have confidence in myself and not live so much fear of failure that I neglect living.
I will learn how to say no, when things are impossible or just not a priority to me and put guilt and other useless emotions aside. They get in the way of living.
So this year I am going to do the grown up thing, and learn to enjoy life with child-like abandon. After all, life is short and getting shorter everyday.
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