Rafael, Rafael, Where Are You, Rafael?

In Columns, Just My Bellybutton, Opinion by Nathasha Alvarez


Where are the real men?

Many of our female readers wonder about the able bodied man as if he were a species all his own. Actually, many female readers with disabilities want to know how to catch an able bodied man as if he were prey.

It seems that there are some able bodied men out there who can not cope being in an intimate relationship with a disabled female even if they find themselves attracted to her.

I took it upon myself to unlock the mystery as to why some able bodied men can’t deal with a disabled woman. My journey started by having mini marathon conversations with several able bodied men.

I poked into their minds until I got my answers. I asked questions that actually left them flabbergasted, embarrassed and pensive.

Some of them actually think that our conversations have helped them to overcome their hang ups with disabled females. My main goal was to bring honest and brutal views to the female readers of Audacity. Curing them of this was icing on the cake.

Men! Can’t live with them, can’t live without them. Or can we?

My first prey, umm I mean volunteer was Steven. Steven is not his real name. In fact, I changed the names of all of the men to protect the ignorant and superficial.

Anyway, Steven is a decent looking guy in his middle to late 30s and works with the disabled community on a daily basis. Our friendship has always been very honest and sincere. In fact, I don’t think I have ever really seen him squirm until I brought up the topic of dating a female with a disability.

However, after much prodding he opened up with insightful information. According to him, most men fall in love with their eyes and most women fall in love with their ears. A man sees a woman and knows if he is intrigued enough to develop a relationship whereas a woman can see past the man’s physical inadequacies and falls in love with those sweet nothings whispered to her on the phone or in private.

Therefore, a female with a disability has to use a magic spell to hide her disability in order to capture this type of man. But honestly, who wants a man as shallow as a drop of water?

Of course, Steven said he is not like that but is simply trying to help me with my research. Hmmm, nice try Steven.

I took this information to my next victim. Oops, I mean helpful able bodied male. Jordan, a single man in his early 30s, was a bit more introverted and the conversation felt more like an inquisition for him. Most of his clients are physically disabled but he doesn’t have daily interaction with them. He agreed with Steven’s theory but added that men tend to bear a much more difficult image than women.

His first defense is that even if he did find a female with a disability attractive due to his career choice he couldn’t possibly (now ladies these are his words) “shit where he eats”. This would be a conflict of interest.

Oh, so basically if he didn’t earn his living working with the disabled community then he would contemplate dating a female with a disability? Nah, you didn’t really think he would say yes, did you?

According to Ed,31, an advertising executive, it is more complicated than that. For example, it seems that in our complex society it is excusable to date a non-disabled unattractive woman but to date a woman who is wheelchair bound would be taboo. Not in my opinion. But who am I? Just your friendly neighborhood reporter.

Supposedly, a man’s co-workers will wonder about his sexual life if he dates a disabled female. They will want to know how they can have sex or why he is with her. I think they will wonder a lot more about the ugly crude woman on his arm. But hey, that’s just my bellybutton.

Another obstacle that comes to mind for Jordan,Ed, and Steven are their buddies. What will their friends think? I asked them what is there to think about? If you like the woman then who cares? Men care. Men care what their co-workers think of them. Men care what their friends think of them. Men care what their relatives think of them.

This was too much for me to handle so I decided to seek the help of one more male. At this point, I learned to be careful about who I could actually call a man, a real man. Trudging the information from Ed, Jordan and Steven, I asked Rafael, a single man, if there was any truth to this explanation.

Brace yourself ladies, it seems that not all of the men are concerned about what others think of their choice in mates. Not all men choose a lover, companion, friend, wife, girlfriend or partner based on the approval of their co-workers, peers, and family.

According to Rafael, a man will look at an attractive woman regardless of her standing or lack of standing ability.

Rafael says, “A sexy woman is a woman who gives a positive energy. A woman who shows others that she is someone to value and love: that is sexy” He attributes confidence, high self-esteem, and self respect as part of a woman’s beauty.

Rafael thinks that if there is a woman in a wheelchair or with any disability that looks pretty and has an outgoing personality than who cares what other people think.

“If I continued to worry about what other people thought I might never have left my room in sixth grade. I make my happiness. If the woman in my life uses a wheelchair, a crutch, a cane or running shoes and I can live with it then that is really all I care about,” he said.

Thankfully, there are many men, real men, like Rafael out there. In fact, it seems that there are two types of able bodied men.

The first type are constantly looking over their shoulder to see if the “others” approve of their actions. More than likely, this group not only seeks validation for their choice in bedmates but in other areas of their life as well.

Look carefully, you can spot these men a mile away. There are those rare occasions when you have to look extremely close to see that underneath their macho exterior lurks a male who is desperately searching for the approval of society. Perhaps he doesn’t want to rock the boat at work because the boss or co-worker will be mad at him. He might do things in a roundabout way rather than being honest and straightforward not only with you but with other people, too. If you see this behavior in a male then please stop everything and run, run, run. Run far away in the opposite direction. You don’t want to be an emotional casualty.

The second type of male is like Rafael someone who knows what he likes, goes after it, and doesn’t wait for the good seal of approval from society. That is the man whether he is disabled or non-disabled that will make any woman, physically disabled or not, happy for the rest of her life.

After verifying every bit of information with three other men, there was a mutual agreement that Jordan,Ed, Rafael, and Steven had been as genuine as possible.

Apparently, Steven realized that he had been overlooking women with physical disabilities because he didn’t want to deal with the stares and questions from other people. He says he is a new man and will now gawk and undress with his eyes every disabled woman he finds remotely attractive. Lucky us!

Jordan prefers to keep it safe and simply considers it his right to exclude a woman with a physical disability as a potential partner for intimacy and companionship. Oh well, that is his loss not ours. Right, ladies?

There you have it! Go find a Rafael!

What’s your opinion on this topic? Leave a comment below because we want to know.