As physically disabled people, our lives are never smooth. I can hear you say, “But no one has a smooth life, Nathasha.” Yes, I’m aware of that. But for us, one stone or pebble can turn our lives inside out. So we really don’t need certain people in our lives to add more obstacles in our audacious journey. There are times when certain people become a stone in our path.
A simple step for a better life is to avoid these people, ready?
Better Life: Avoid Victim Mentality People
The most energy draining people are constantly a victim of their circumstances. They blame everyone for everything. Listen carefully so you can spot them and avoid them.
“No one ever helped me.”
“I never learned this in school.”
“No one ever told me.”
“Everyone has someone but me.”
If these statements are constantly coming out of someone’s mouth, run away, roll away, and just get away. Because these people are the stones that stop our audacious journey.
Their victim mentality will suck out your positive energy and almost make you believe the same about your life. But you know better. You know that having a disability doesn’t make you a victim and you work to protect your mental health. So you know that once you remove their constant stream of negative thoughts, your life will be better. You can’t say no one told you because I just did.
Martyrs
A martyr is different than the victim mentality because the martyr wants you to feel guilty and beholden to them for their “sacrifices.” They don’t want you to have a better life. They want you to feel guilty for the life you have because of them. As a disabled people, we experience this more often than not.
Recently in a Facebook group, there was an in depth thread from “caregivers” who sacrificed their time and resources to care for their disabled parent, spouse, child, adult child, and others. You could hear the tiny violin strings being plucked one by one. Oh how their lives would be better but the martyrs have to be there for their disabled loved ones.
To be honest, I don’t have any one solution for these people. I’ve learned to drown out their noise. There have been times when I’ve said they should keep their martyr mentality to themselves because no one needs to hear this. However, some of my disabled friends have said that they have to tolerate the martyrs in their lives because they don’t have any choice. If you have any advice, let us know.
I avoid these people when I hear them tell a story about their weekends or anything in their daily lives and they act as if they gave up their last kidney to mundane activities that we all do in life. Run away, roll away, or get away. Because you don’t need people like that for a better life.
Micromanagers Don’t Create Better Lives
Micromanagers are convinced that if you do things their way and their way only, you will have a better life. How can you spot them? The real question is how can you NOT spot them?
They want everything done their way and they have a long explanation for it. If you don’t do it their way, there will be tragic results. You might not see these tragic results until one day you’re enjoying life when you get a paper cut, your micromanager will tell you that you got that paper cut because you didn’t do what they said six months ago. By the way, the two events have nothing to do with each other. But the micromanager wants you to think that. It’s how they keep control.
Before I even wrote this article, I spoke to a few physically disabled people who shared some horror stories about the micromanagers in their lives. They don’t know how to protect themselves from micromanagers because they depend on them too much.
Isn’t that what micromanagers want? They make you doubt your own decisions and rely on their decisions.
If you can avoid them, do so. If you can’t, explain to them that you want to make your own mistakes. Let them know that you are going to take what they say under advisement, then make your own decisions. You can do it. Free yourself from them. You’ll have a better life.
Better Life, Better Choices
As physically disabled people, we need to have control over our lives. The victim, the martyr, and the micromanager have no place in our lives. We want to have better lives. We want an audacious life. Therefore, we must protect ourselves from the people who can’t respect our decisions.
It’s not always easy, but it’s freeing. We have so much to accomplish in life. Surrounding ourselves with people who respect us individuals is vital. So this year and every year after, avoid these people and have the better life you deserve.
I’d love to know how you spot these people and how you handle them. Let me know in the comments or email me nathasha @ Audacitymagazine (.) com
Be sure to share this article because sharing is caring! And I bet you care about someone dealing with these people.
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