This month’s theme at Audacity is “Taking Advantage”. I wasn’t sure what I had to say on the subject, so I kept putting off my article.
Then, one day, I wrote a particular post on my blog based off the theme of “Life” for the website Mama Says Om. I liked the way it came out. Others did too. And I thought, coincidently, that it happened to speak nicely to Audacity’s theme as well.
Here, in its entirety, is that post:
When I was all of about 6 weeks pregnant, I experienced some spotting. Maybe not anything to be too concerned about, but I wanted to be safe so I called my doctor. The nurse heard my story and thought I was probably okay. But just to be safe she squeezed me in for an ultrasound that day at the hospital.
Trouble was, Hubby and I were leaving that afternoon for his sister’s weekend wedding. We were to arrive at the inn in time for the late afternoon dress rehearsal.
In fact, we said we’d be there even earlier than that, so we could settle in and relax a bit with my in-laws before all the festivities began.
And no one knew yet that I was pregnant.
How could we explain our late arrival without raising any suspicion or concern? Who knows, but we knew our baby took precedence and we needed to find out that everything was alright.
Long story short – we went to the hospital and waited for as long as we could. More than an hour, maybe closer to two. Then we knew it was getting too late.
We needed to leave. And anyway, I wasn’t bleeding anymore. And I wasn’t in pain. I really believed that all was well. So we left.
We went through that whole weekend whooping it up with our family and celebrating the union of my sister-in-law and her new husband. Yet, in the back of our minds, Hubby and I still had our concerns. Was our baby okay? Did I have a miscarriage and not know it? Was our baby healthy? What was going on?
Come the early part of that next week, we finally got in for that ultrasound. I heard the doctors and nurses talking among themselves. The order for my case?
Check for viability.
The absolute scariest words I’d ever heard.
Luckily, and obviously, they found our little peanut (literally – that’s about all she looked like at 6 weeks old). She was right where she should be and all was well. How wonderful to get that amazing confirmation!
My next ultrasound was scheduled for week 16 of my pregnancy. This is when we found out we were having a little girl. And that she was completely healthy. No sign of spina bifida. No Down Syndrome. And her size was right on track. Woo hoo! The best news ever! And so completely conclusive that we felt secure not engaging in further testing. No amnioscentesis needed! Yay!
Sure enough, of course, Sweetie was born in December of that year, 3 weeks early, but perfectly healthy. And so sweet. She acquired her nickname within minutes of being born.
Now, almost 4 years later, I’m having some new health concerns. I’ve been diagnosed with a severely prolapsed uterus. A hysterectomy is inevitably in my not-too-distant future. We see the urogynecologist next week to confirm the situation (a third opinion), ask more questions and schedule the procedure.
I’m done creating new life. No more tiny toes to hold and midnight feedings to bond through. It’s alright. I was done anyway. My body was wrecked too much from my pregnancy with Sweetie and subsequent active life with a small infant. It’s not something I’m interested in putting myself through again.
Nonetheless, I’m sad. No siblings for Sweetie. And no heir to carry on the family name (my Hubby happens to be the last male in his entire family). Heck, I even have the absolute perfect name for a little boy now! But it’s not to be.
Sweetie has many cousins to keep her company and to grow ever closer to as she grows up. Maybe she’ll even keep her last name as an adult, perhaps passing it along to her own son one day. What a wonderful gift that would be for her Daddy.
Hubby and I know that my health is more important than keeping alive the dream of one day maybe adding to our family. And so – we’ve reached the end.
Dear Sweetie – You’re not only the light of our lives but you also bring so much joy and life to our home every single day. Daddy and I are so glad to have you. So thankful that you’re happy and healthy. And so excited to see what this life holds for you and to experience all your life’s adventures right alongside you. We will forever be your cheerleaders, your guides and your anchor. We love you.
Love, Mommy and Daddy