Short End of the Stick

In Columns, Just My Bellybutton, Opinion by Nathasha Alvarez

Women have been getting the short end of the stick for as long as time began. Being a disabled woman doesn’t exactly give me a GO pass in life. When it comes to dating the best advice is a positive and confident attitude. We have so many obstacles before us but I believe that as women we can endure any circumstance when our self esteem is at its peak. Men want a beautiful, nurturing, sympathetic, woman who can tend to the home and the heart of a man. Now, that is a tall order to fill.

Being physically disabled says it all. There is something physically different about us. We might not be tall enough, or short enough, or maybe we can’t move our limbs or we have missing limbs whatever it may be there is an obvious difference that men must overlook. Men love physically beautiful women. That is what catches their attention. To this day, I have yet to hear a man say “Oh she is so sensitive!” about a woman after the first date. In fact, I have yet to hear a man say that about a woman before the first date. Comments are more along the lines of “She is fine!” or “Look at the body!” So that is our first strike! But, we are not out, ladies.

As a disabled woman, we can look every bit as attractive as another able bodied woman. Just because we are disabled doesn’t mean we don’t know the art of flirting. (wink wink!) Oh, let’s not forget that smile. A person who smiles opens the doors to the hearts of everyone.

Once the man has appreciated our physical beauty then we must face the family. The mother probably wants to know how we are going to cater to her little boy’s needs. Can we cook, clean, take care of him when he is sick? I figure if we can’t then we’ll call his mom. Most of the time even if we are capable of fulfilling these needs it won’t be good enough for the matriarch of the family. I am no Betty Crocker or Martha Stewart but I figure a relationship is a partnership. If he was able to eat before I came along then he will continue to eat with me in his life.

Sooner or later, we are going to have to deal with the question that all mothers ask of their grown children. “When are you going to have children?” Hmmm, tricky question for some disabled people but not for others. Depending on the woman’s disability and the couple’s personal choice, there can be a possibility of children. There are many disabled women who are great mothers. Personally, I don’t like pain so I am going to pass on this natural birth process and go straight into the adoption process.

These are a few of the obstacles that we must overcome. Thankfully, we are smart enough to know that men should appreciate the sincere love, understanding, and attention that we can give them. Remember the best way to attract a man is to be beautiful inside and outside.