The Ruling Thoughts of Fear

In Features, My Piece of the Sky, Opinion by Karen LynnLeave a Comment

I personally agree that this is the most

opportune moment with all the ghost and goblins, walking up and down our sidewalks. I agree it is the perfect time, the perfect place, and the perfect atmosphere and forum to scare our fears away, and write about the things that frighten us the most.

This Halloween, I will have seen well over a quarter of a century of ghost, goblins, witches and spirits. Forget about all the brew ha ha’s knocking at my door. I have faced many a fear, fright and trepidation.

Fears that probably most people would not even know about because I worked so hard and so conscientiously to carry a smile and countenance on my face; despite all the consternation and concern that was going on at each given moment in my life.

However, I want you to know, that as real as these fears can be, if not worked on, dealt with, or labored over; they can over-shadow one’s life. I personally know this. And I personally did not want them to outshine my spirit.

Thus, I made a conscious choice to conquer them. I personally chose to take them one at a time and scare those ugly, mischievous, devious, bogymen away for good. I chose to break, smash, and shatter these chains of thinking and destroy them.

Hence, my first fear was the fear of being underused. If you have read any of my articles before, you will know that I have spent a lifetime trying to convince the larger world that I have abilities which they could make use of.

I did not work this hard to sit in a corner twiddling my thumbs. Nor, did I, come this far to be ignored, patronized and undermined in the community. So many of us have unique and one-of-a-kind talents which go unnoticed, and unused, like me!

It is a disgrace, dishonor, and vast disillusionment, that so many of our experts and professionals have the gall, nerve, and audacity to take credit for our achievements, attainment, and triumphs as we go unheard of and unknown.

Who said they could do this to us? Who said they could lie and smile between their teeth and deviously channel our ability into “acceptable” limited roles because they have no faith in our ability to function in the bigger world?

Who said they could take our life under our feet and change our course of destiny for their own accomplishments and aims of purpose?

My fear has run deep! And, as long as these fears have existed, I have fought to overcome each and every one of them in my own way. I have lived my life, and fought with an exuberance, enthusiasm, and zest that I rarely saw around me .

My fears do not just include my Cerebral Palsy. It goes way beyond this- way beyond the physical, emotional and mental eye.

Everyone has frailties. Despite whatever the good Lord has made me to be, I not only had to fight for my life to win the first Civil Right Case for my own education, but I fought to over-come the fear of what I thought people would think of me.

I feared this many a times because I wanted people to like me for myself. I feared this because I wanted to be accepted and accomplished in the field of health, dance, and recreation. I feared this because down deep in my heart I knew this was vital to my self-worth and my legacy to the world.

I didn’t want to fear that I could not make it in this world or lifetime because people’s attitudes were non-accepting, arrogant, and short sited, based on pity and compassion, rather than genuine trust, belief and the conviction that we were able enough to succeed.

Since I have dealt with people’s attitudes, in all aspects of my life, I am very aware of the prevailing attitude that many feel. But again, I was not going to let fear run and rule my life.

Yet, now, even after all these years, at this stage of my life, with the health issues I face at hand, I still fight like a trooper. I fight to overcome my worst fears of dying of cancer, because both my parents died of this awful disease. Even when dealing with these many health issues I reject the ordinary.

I reject westernized medicine, and, I reject being diagnosed with wrong diagnoses, and young thermometer wielding, wipper snappers; thinking they know more about my body than I do- because once again- they’re a doctor! I pay out of pocket, for treatments I believe in.

As well as continue to eat healthy foods; while working diligently with my acupuncturist to find remedies to heal my digestive system, spleen, liver, and gallbladder issues. Let alone to face and find answers to a life long list of food allergies.

With all that I have feared throughout my life; or any of us have, or will fear, this Halloween, I vow to make a witches brew that will help us all. I know that if we deal with our own fears one at a time we, like Franklin D. Roosevelt has stated …”we will be able to face the things we fear the most.”

Send your comments and questions to nathasha@audacitymagazine.com .