On a clear day, when we look up at the blue sky, we see a big, bright yellow sun shining in the sky. Or at least that’s what we think we see. The truth is, the sun is not yellow at all. It’s white! When we see a yellow sun in the sky, we are seeing the sun’s light being filtered through our atmosphere. If you were to view the sun from space, it would appear white.
Why am I talking about the sun? Because it got me thinking about how much of what we think we see is not really what we are seeing. There is more beneath the surface, or through the filter. Just like the earth’s atmosphere creates a filter by which we see light, we walk around with a filter by which we see people.
I sometimes think about how people see me, as a short-statured disabled person. What is their first impression of me? Even if I try to make a good first impression, they are still seeing me through their own lens.
What Are These Filters?
What I mean by filters is the things we assume about people just based on what a person looks like before we actually see them for who they are as individuals. We prejudge, we stereotype, we assume all sorts of things about a person before getting to know them.
And it’s a terrible filter when it comes to those of us who are physically disabled. Because we don’t look like the average person. So, people assume so many things about our lives before they get to know us. Whether it’s our intelligence, our social lives, or even our sex lives, everyone already assumes they know something about us based on appearance alone.
How do non-disabled people view us first? Some through a lens of “pity”. “Ay pobrecito”, that’s a Spanish phrase that means “oh, you poor thing”. They see you only through the lens of sympathy and pity. We don’t want to be pitied.
Others through the eyes of “inspiration” where everyday activities are seen as “heroic”. Going to the grocery store, wow, amazing! We’re not here to be your inspiration.
Then you have those who automatically judge you based on what you can and cannot do, or they assume you can’t do it physically. Even intellectually, as if a physical disability would hinder someone’s level of intelligence.
I know that I’ve faced each one of these at some point or another. Sometimes you can tell from how people communicate with you. Whether through actual conversation or their body language, they leave clues as to what they are really thinking about you. They think we don’t notice.
To be fair, we are all guilty of doing this. Walking around with a filter. This is not something that is only relegated to the non-disabled. We may assume things about others based on their appearance, race, religion, gender, etc. We even do it to other disabled people.
How Did We Get Here?
Why do we all have these filters, and where do they come from? They come from the years and years of information that we all consume through our media. Whether it’s television, movies, magazines, Internet media, etc., we are flooded with so much information per day.
As we consume all this “content,” we start to build an idea of what different types of people are like, in this case, disabled people.
The problem is that if there is not enough accurate representation of disabled people in the media we consume, and the person doesn’t have experience being around disabled people, then the worst ideas, stereotypes, and filters become how they see us. This is why the loud cry for “representation” matters so much.
A College Story…
I was once asked to speak in front of a class when I was in college. A friend of mine asked me to speak at his class about my disability, for some assignment his class had. I had no problem doing it even though I wasn’t big on public speaking. But it was cool, everyone knew me and knew I was a “cool dude”. I hung out with the cool crowd and did all the things the cool people did. Went to all the parties, drank, got drunk (a plenty), smoked weed. Yep, did all of that. If I weren’t one of the cool dudes on campus, I probably would not have been invited.
But, before I went up to speak, there was another person who spoke before me. He was a student in the class who said he had a “disability”. He gave a really deep talk about his invisible disability, which I believe was bipolar disorder. And he was on a daily medication for it. It was a very impassioned speech, informative, and enlightening.
After he did his speech, I went up and did mine. It went well. But, as I was leaving, I kept thinking about what he said, about his “invisible” disability. And wished that I had said more. What I wanted to say, and this might sound harsh, but… “Cool story, bro! Unlike your invisible disability, I cannot hide mine. There is no magic pill that will suddenly make me 6 feet tall and look ‘normal’ in the eyes of society. I will always stand out in the crowd and automatically be prejudged with everyone’s filter. You can pop a pill and prevent yourself from going ‘crazy’, but I have to handle everyone’s prejudgment of me one by one, for the rest of my life, and hope that I don’t suddenly get sick of it all and don’t snap!”
Harsh, but it’s the truth as I saw it back then and still see it today. How many people just couldn’t take it anymore and took their own lives? That is the burden that we have to carry on our shoulders. This isn’t to disparage the many variations of disability that exist, including mental illness, but I can only speak from my own lived experience as a physically disabled person who is under 4 feet tall and walks with a cane. My body type is its own unique type. I will never blend in to society’s perception of what it means to be “normal”. I will always be prejudged by the way I physically look.
Changing Perceptions
What can we do about this? How do we change how people see us? This is why representation matters. And why we need to be in all the spaces where all people congregate. Whether it’s sports, media, politics, entertainment, etc. Be everywhere that humans exist.
While society has taken steps forward, there’s still a long way to go. One place this shows up in is job interviews. Before I can even say a word, people are already making assumptions about what I can or can’t do just by looking at me.
That kind of prejudice keeps stereotypes alive and makes it harder for disabled people to be seen for our actual skills, talents, and experience. What we need is the chance to walk into a room and be evaluated for who we are and what we bring to the table and not for the filter someone sees us through at first glance.
Some of us need to get out of our shells (me included) and force our way through the door. Speak up, or call people out when they are not seeing you for who you are as a real human. It may be awkward for them and you, but it’s a way of breaking down barriers. Things can change over time, but they only change when we challenge people’s perceptions of who we are as disabled people. I hope that my presence in the things I do in my life, those things I share on social media and elsewhere, or people whom I see daily, slowly chip away at the negative ideas, stereotypes, and filters people have of me, and disabled people as a whole.
When people stop relying on these filters, they may just get to see something real, vibrant, and human. And that is all I want people to see of me. Not a stereotype, not a burden, not a miracle, just a whole person. But really, I hope people see that I’m just a cool ass dude.
Cool Ass Dude’s Bio
Hi, I’m Rich Alcantara, a 20-year veteran of the online and email marketing space, and proud Dominican American. Hopelessly addicted to personal development, mindset, growth, sports, side hustling, music, politics, and more. Writing my thoughts on the world as I see it from “almost” 4 feet high. Leave me your questions and comments. I’ll reply back!
I wrote this cool article too! Check it out! MY ARTICLE~
Link: https://www.linkedin.com/in/richalcantara/
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