I once believed my old life was perfect—full of freedom, laughter, and independence. But after my injury, that perfect past became my prison. I spent hours replaying memories, convinced that everything had been better before. The more I compared my “before” to my “after,” the more I suffered.
It’s human nature to reflect on the past, sometimes idealizing it. We reminisce about our happiest moments, our successes, our friendships—often painting an incomplete picture, one where we were better, happier, more fulfilled than we really were. We tend to fixate on the best possible outcomes, believing life was better back then and that we were somehow greater individuals. But for those who experience a life-altering injury, that reflection can be relentless. The stark contrast between what was and what is can make it nearly impossible to let go of “what could have been.”
A Life Forever Changed
I know this feeling all too well. Before my injury, I lived with complete freedom. If I wanted to go somewhere, I went. If I needed something, I got it myself. I never had to think twice about simple daily tasks. Then, in an instant, everything changed.
After my accident, I was paralyzed from the neck down. I couldn’t scratch an itch, adjust my blankets, or lift a cup to my lips. I became fully dependent on others for every aspect of daily living. The loss of independence was overwhelming, but the hardest part wasn’t the physical reality—it was the war in my mind. I felt trapped, stuck between the person I had been and the person I was now. I couldn’t stop asking, What if this had never happened?
The shift from self-sufficiency to complete reliance on caregivers can be emotionally devastating. It forces a person to reexamine not only their physical abilities but also their entire sense of identity. I spent so much time grieving what I had lost that I failed to recognize what I had gained.
Was I Really Who I Thought I Was?
For years, I told myself that I had been an amazing person—kind, thoughtful, full of life. But the more honest I became, the more I saw my flaws. I had been selfish at times. Impatient. Self-centered. I wasn’t the perfect son I thought I was, the incredible friend I imagined, or the great human being I had convinced myself to be.
I remember a moment before my injury when a friend came to me, needing emotional support. Instead of truly listening, I dismissed their feelings because I was too caught up in my own world. Looking back, I realize how much empathy I lacked. My injury didn’t just change my body—it forced me to confront my character.
Losing my independence was hard. But losing the illusion of who I thought I was? That was even harder.
A New Perspective on Present Life
Over time, I came to understand that I am a far better person now than I ever was before. That transformation came through age, experience, the challenges of living with a disability, and most importantly, my unwavering Christian faith. These factors have taught me patience, empathy, and a deeper appreciation for life and the people in it.
One of the greatest lessons I’ve learned is to appreciate the present moment. I spent so much time grieving what I had lost that I failed to see what I had gained. Now, I focus on the relationships I’ve built, the lessons I’ve learned, and the resilience I’ve developed. Had I not gone through this experience, I might never have taken the time to truly understand the struggles of others, to appreciate the kindness of those who help me daily, or to find a deeper purpose in my life.
Moving Forward Instead of Looking Back
Staying trapped in the past prevents us from moving forward. I’ve seen people who never learn to accept their circumstances, living in a state of bitterness and frustration, constantly comparing their present to an idealized version of their past. That’s not the life I want for myself.
The more honest I became about my past, the more I felt compelled to search for answers. I wanted to understand why I was the way I was and why I am the way I am now. I turned to many sources—books, motivational speakers, and personal introspection—to learn how to view life with a new perspective, one of gratitude, purpose, and realistic expectations. Reaching this level of transparency, sincerity, and self-awareness isn’t easy.
Embracing the Life You Have Now
But here’s what I know: We will never truly know what life could have been. But we do know what life is. Every experience—good or bad—shapes us. Even something as traumatic as a spinal cord injury, like mine, can be transformative.
So, strive to become the best person you can be in the life you have now. Learn to embrace your new normal. Life after trauma isn’t the same—but that doesn’t mean it can’t still be full. Full of purpose. Full of connection. Full of meaning.
Maybe even a different kind of beautiful.
Bio:
Lazaro Gutierrez lives in Cape Coral with his wife. You can find him at his Facebook account. Click here.
Be sure to subscribe to our weekly newsletter. Click here.
Did you check out Lazaro’s other article? Click here.