“Don’t sweat the small stuff” seems to be the go-to response these days when a person with a physical disability speaks up about a lack of accessibility or when the accessibility that does exist is abused by those who don’t need it. But I’ve been thinking about what constitutes small stuff, particularly when you live with a physical disability.
My biggest irk is going somewhere and discovering that all the accessible parking spaces are taken, especially the extra-wide ones designed for wheelchair ramps and toppers like mine. I need that extra space to get in and out of my vehicle. So when someone with an accessible parking decal takes one of those spaces even though they don’t need the extra room, and there are other parking spaces just as close, I have one thing to say. MOVE! There’s a reason those spaces are extra wide. Be considerate. We all share this planet. And yes, I’m talking to people with disabilities, too. Having a disability doesn’t automatically make you considerate of someone else’s needs. Do you think I’m judging? You’re absolutely right! I don’t use an accommodation I don’t need when I know someone else might need it.
And there’s something else we need to acknowledge, even if it makes some people uncomfortable. There are only so many slices to a pie. We can’t keep handing out slices without considering whether there’s going to be enough for the people those accommodations were originally intended to serve. I’m not saying that people with invisible disabilities don’t need accommodations. I’m saying that not every disability requires the same accommodation. If you don’t need the extra space for a wheelchair ramp or lift, why take it when another parking space is available? Why should someone who genuinely needs that extra room be left with nothing? And why is it that when we speak up about this, even people within our own disability community tell us not to sweat the small stuff?
Now, let’s say I finally find parking and decide to have lunch at a restaurant. Nature calls, and off I go to the bathroom, only to discover that the accessible stall is occupied by someone who could have used any of the others. So I wait while everyone else comes and goes. But hey, don’t sweat the small stuff, right?
Then there are places where the accessible parking is located farther from the entrance than it should be. Apparently, someone thought that was a perfectly reasonable location. Who made that decision? And more importantly, did anyone who actually needs accessible parking have a say in it? Because I’d love to hear the explanation.
And how about seating? Picture a middle school cafeteria where all the chairs are attached to the tables. Everyone else gets to choose where to sit, but a wheelchair user has to sit at the end of the table. What if that space is already occupied? Are we supposed to ask someone to move? Sit somewhere else? Eat alone? It’s another one of those little situations that might not seem like a big deal unless you’re the person dealing with it.
I recently wrote about the luxury of simply showing up when you have a physical disability. But there’s another side to that conversation: people who make accessibility more difficult for us and then expect us not to complain.
I could fill pages with examples. And I’m willing to bet many of you could add a few of your own. That’s what bothers me about the expression “don’t sweat the small stuff.” Each incident, by itself, might seem insignificant to someone who doesn’t experience it. But when these things happen repeatedly, they stop feeling so small.
I think there are two kinds of people contributing to this problem. Some are simply self-centered. They know they’re inconveniencing someone else, but they don’t care because their own comfort comes first. Others live in their own little world. If something doesn’t affect them personally, they don’t notice it. And while their intentions may be different, the result is the same for the person with a physical disability who’s left dealing with the consequences.
And before anyone tells me that I should be more understanding, I’d like to know why the understanding always seems to be expected from us. Why should we be the ones to adjust, wait, move, compromise, or accept less? Why is someone else’s convenience more important than our accessibility?
I’m not suggesting that every inconvenience deserves a full-blown confrontation. Believe me, I have better things to do with my time. But I also don’t believe that speaking up about these situations means we’re making mountains out of molehills. Sometimes those molehills have been piling up for years, and now we’ve got ourselves a mountain range.
So, the next time someone tells me not to sweat the small stuff, I might just ask them how many times they’ve had to deal with the same inconvenience before breakfast. Because one small thing might be easy to overlook. But when you’re constantly expected to overlook one thing after another, it becomes a much bigger issue.
And if that makes me someone who sweats the small stuff, so be it. At least I’m paying attention.
But hey, that’s just my bellybutton.
What do you think? Are we sweating the small stuff, or have all those little inconveniences become one big problem? I’d love to hear your experiences. Share your thoughts in the comments!
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