From Rocky Dennis to Dating Apps: Still No Button for That
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When Ramps Are Easier Than Romance
Back in 2003, I asked what seemed like a very innocent, very inconvenient question:
Is sex a right or a wrong?
I was young, cheeky, and just naive enough to believe that if we talked about it loudly and clearly, the world might respond with something other than awkward coughing and nervously rearranged furniture. Two decades later, and it turns out nothing makes a society squirm faster than a disabled person asking for a little touchy-touchy.
The Problem Isn’t Biology — It’s Access
Let’s be clear: the need for physical affection isn’t some weird fringe kink. It’s a biological need—just like breathing, eating, and, apparently, rewatching Friends. Except no one’s ever told me to feel ashamed about a sandwich. (Well… okay. Maybe once.)
Since that first article, we’ve gotten more ramps, more “accessible” bathroom stalls (if your wheelchair folds like a yoga master), and a lot more corporate diversity posters with latte-holding wheelchair users. But what haven’t we gotten? An honest, mainstream conversation about sexuality and disability that doesn’t immediately swerve into “aww, you’re so brave” or “let’s focus on your real needs—like ergonomic spoons.”
Newsflash: plenty of people with physical disabilities can spoon themselves.
The issue is finding someone who wants to spoon with them.
Sex and disability aren’t mutually exclusive. They’re human experiences. But too often, society treats them like opposing forces.
Swipe Right, Get Left Behind
The internet promised us everything: love at first swipe, inclusive dating apps, AI chatbots with flirty voices. But for many disabled users, these platforms deliver a familiar message: able-bodied people get romance. Disabled people get… resources. And heaven forbid we suggest those two might overlap.
The phrase “dating while disabled” shouldn’t sound radical. It should sound normal.
Still no vocational rehab programs offering courses on intimacy.
Still no accessible sex-ed that acknowledges disabled adults exist.
Still no ADA clause about “affection allocation.”
But hey, we can voice-command Netflix now. Progress?
What About David?
For those with severe physical disabilities—people with limited social mobility and fewer opportunities to meet potential partners—the options remain painfully slim. And yes, for some, the world’s oldest profession still steps in to meet the world’s oldest unmet need. Morally complex? Sure. But try explaining morality to someone who’s never been kissed.
I’ve spoken to members in disability-focused Facebook groups and Reddit threads—let’s call one of them “David.” He’s 28, has advanced muscular dystrophy, and has never been on a date, never had a romantic partner, and never experienced physical intimacy beyond what’s medically necessary. He told me:
“Sometimes I feel like I was born with all the feelings, but none of the opportunities.”
That’s not just a personal ache—it’s a systemic failure. One rooted in how we erase disabled people from conversations about love, dating, and intimacy.
Still Waiting on the ADA
In 2003, I wrote about Rocky Dennis. His mother hired a sex worker so he could experience intimacy before his life ran out of time. That story still breaks and builds my heart at the same time. But what breaks it more? That in 2025, it’s still considered a radical solution.
We’re overdue for a reality check. People with physical disabilities are not asexual by default.
They’re not waiting in warehouses for hugs.
They’re not devices that run on ramps and reachers alone.
They are human.
Some want to flirt. Some want to touch. Some want to do things I can’t legally print in this column.
So here I am, 22 years later, still asking:
Is it a right or a wrong?
Or maybe the better question now is:
Why is everyone still so scared of the answer?
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📜 Don’t forget: Read the 2003 article that started it all — because progress only matters if we know what we’re measuring it against.